


this is where we start; this is where we fall apart

by orphan_account



Series: my sleeping heart woke, and my waking heart spoke [1]
Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, M/M, break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-16 02:54:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2253228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>au. nights are for loving and laughing and sleeping and fighting and making up and leaving and living</p><p>little vignettes because people are more real at night</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is where we start; this is where we fall apart

****

  
october 2013

 _i like that you like the glow_. the words echo around harry's head, zayn is curled into his side as they watch the once huge bonfire turn into hot red embers. zayn's cheeks are flushed from the heat of the fire and the chilly air outside, and his eyes shine in the dark. harry grins at him impishly and bites at his nose. zayn laughs and tries to push him off dramatically, but overshoots and they end up rolling around in the wet grass.  
 _you have my very favorite glow of all,_ harry thinks as they kiss on the ground for not near long enough.

 

****

  
december 2013

"you didnt trust me" zayn says lowly, a little bit drunk, voice hoarse from smoke and cold, and something else, anger, maybe. "how can i trust you if you didnt? i dont!" he turns away from harry and stomps his foot on the ground, arms crossed, breathing heavily. ((its something that only happens every so often, but harry's never been able to get used to it. zayn when he's angry as hell and it shoots out of him like a wildfire, and on days after a fight when they're entwined in zayn's bed, slowly letting their walls down again, his sharp eyes and movements still hint at the embers that smolder underneath his skin)) and now, his eyes are wild, dark scarlet blooming high on his cheeks and there's grass still in his hair, all mussed up and he looks, he looks a right mess and angry and beautiful, and yeah, harry's terrified.  
"would you just-stop being so childish!" harry yells at him in frustration, nearly pulling out the hair his hands had been tangled in since the fight had started. and zayn looks up, startled.  
harry closes his eyes, brings his hands to his temples. he takes a deep breath and looks at him. "babe", he tries again, softly, eyes seeking. zayn just looks at him coldly, unresponsive and he stalks out of the house with a slam of the door.  
harry's shaking, and he takes a breath to calm himself, breathes again, and again, reaching out for the wall, anything to steady himself. he trails his hand along the wall following it to his bed like he does when he's drunk. he feels drunk, but worse, hungover and drunk and angry and scared and when he reaches the foot of his bed he collapses, spends the night with a tightness in his chest and counting the minutes till he can fall asleep

 

****

  
june 2013

"i have a feeling im going to lose a few sunsets to you" harry says with a smile in his voice, eyes turned toward the sky, laying next to zayn on a blanket on a grassy knoll. zayn frowns as he turns to look at him "lose a few sunsets? are you crazy?" he twists so he's comfortable on his side, facing harry. "youre silly, you know that? every day we get a new sunset. we have one and then we have it forever." he taps harry's temple "up here, in the old noggin" he giggles and lays back down on the blanket, arms crossed beneath his head. harry scrunches up his nose, fights a smile as he looks at zayn incredulously. "noggin?! you are...something else" he says, a little sarcastic. zayn rolls his eyes and shushes him, just grabs his hand in comfortable silence as they lay watching the stars.

 

****

  
january 2014

"i forgot what i was doing here, zayn!" he bursts out, unable to help himself.  
"i forgot myself! what this was to you...i just" he sighs, runs his hands though his hair, a nervous habit.  
zayn doesnt move, frozen in place, cornered like a scared rabbit, like all he can do is watch. their eyes meet for a second but zayn looks down, too tired to feel anything anymore, the fire gone out of his body. he wishes he could do anything, emote anything, maybe even shed a few tears but nothing comes out. harry stares at him until he looks up again, and zayn knows his anger isnt put off yet. so he just stands, shoulders hunched and stiff, hands clenched at his sides under a green eyed gaze, waiting for the anger to break harry apart and carry him out the door in a whirlwind of yelling and slamming doors.

"i knew i was going to lose you," harry says instead. somehow they're in each other's arms, harry's hand threaded through zayn's hair, pressing his head into harry's chest. the other is around his waist and theyre both pressed so tight, and maybe thats why tears are threatening to slide out of the corners of zayn's eyes.  
"are you crazy?" zayn laughs wetly, "you had me."  
harry huffs out a laugh "yeah, i know, and ill always have you." he pulls back so theyre almost eye to eye. "up here", and grins a bitter sort, recalling memories "up in, well, you know...", and presses both hands to the top of zayn's head. zayn tries to roll his eyes, but closes them quickly as hot tears slide down his face and his heart is hurting and harry kisses him softly on the head. now zayn is fighting back sobs and a smile at the same time and when he opens his eyes a crack harry's leaning in and their lips are pressed together, short and sweet and then harry's gone without a second glance. okay, maybe one glance, and he goes through the door shutting it gently, and leaves zayn standing alone, tears streaming down his face.

 

****

  
july 2013

 _why does a minute take forever?_ zayn thinks as he lay in bed next to a sleeping harry. he's curled into harry's side, tracing lines on his face, around his eyes, over his lips. he forgot to close the curtain and now the streetlamp light has pooled around them in an ethereal glow and it feels like he's been caught in the magic between living and dreaming. he doesnt fall asleep that night, just watches harry's chest fall and rise as he sleeps.

 

****

  
april 2013

"im not good at starting...things" zayn says abashedly. he lets the dark sky swallow up his words as they leave through the doors of the movie theatre. harry takes his hand, letting their arms swing wide as they walk side by side in a dark carpark, illuminated only by streetlights.  
"youre in luck then", harry says with a dimpled smirk, "i am"

**Author's Note:**

> prequel and a part 2 maybe?  
> MAYBE?   
> if only bc i dont want all my zarry to end in tragedy lol   
> lemme know what u thinkkkkk  
> kjvnjxchuljdfn i love you ALL, anyone who reads this and likes it i absolutely freaking love you  
> pls comment ok thanks byee


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